I often wonder…

If my life would be easier if I no longer exist.

I can’t handle all the stress and terrible luck that follow me around. Everyday it feels like the universe is throwing obstacles my way to see how much more I can take before I crack under pressure.

It’s hard for people to understand the difficulties that come with mental illness and why it seems better to just give up on one’s life. You’ll never understand it until you go through it yourself. Even if you’re used to witnessing it, you’ll never truly understand the extent of unhappiness we suffer.

I am speaking out for the one in five people that are diagnosed with any sort of mental illness; whether it be depression, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, or Schizophrenia. There are many stigmas that come with mental illness and I hope to break them all. A person doesn’t have to be covered in scars or show obvious symptoms to be understood as ‘mentally ill’. Take me for instance. Outwardly I am the happiest person you could possibly encounter but if you know me, you’d know the many masks I paint on every morning, the struggles I endure to go out in public and act like a normal civilian, and the painful nights that follow.

I suffer. I hurt. And I want to give up. So many times I pray at night that I will not awake in the morning. As terrible as it sounds, it’s true. Often I wish I was never born. Often I wish I could run away and escape from all the struggles I face everyday. And often I think about scenarios in my head of ways I could die. It sounds like such a terrible thing to say and I’m almost ashamed to be typing this out. I might even struggle to post this. But I believe this is something that shouldn’t be hushed or silenced anymore.

Right at this moment I am struggling to keep my composure. I just want to melt away in bed and never leave. I don’t want to face the real world anymore. I’m just so sick of feeling this way everyday. I’m sick of feeling alone and worthless and like a lost cause. I don’t want to face this alone anymore.

So reach out and SOS. We all need help so why not unite and acknowledge that we are all in this together. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I am here. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I will always be here for you and I will always try my best to save you. You don’t have to face this alone anymore. Don’t be afraid to seek help. You are loved. I love you and I will be here for you. I may not know you and you may not know me but there is one thing I know with absolute certainty. We are all suffering but we are not alone. Let me save you.

Everyone is worth saving.

05 Sep This entry was published on September 5, 2014 at 8:17 pm. It’s filed under WORDS AND THOUGHTS and tagged anxiety, depression, disorders, mental illness, personal. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.